“Life’s a bitch and then you die.” Really? Yes, really, if you believe it. Sad to say a lot of people do. Actually, happiness is our natural state. It’s what’s left when we remove the negative programming considered normal. Until that’s done one’s experience of happiness is fleeting at best.

Most of us secretly believe we don’t deserve to be happy. How can we when we’re unworthy? Perhaps it was a parent’s stinging criticism, or a byproduct of religious dogma, or guilt because others are suffering. Happiness is appropriate only after we’ve earned it. Good luck with that.

We’ve taught ourselves that happiness comes when certain criteria is met, it is conditional on circumstances seemingly out of our control or just within our grasp. “I’ll be happy when I lose ten pounds.” “I’ll be happy when I get that job.” I’ll be happy when I move somewhere nicer.” “I’ll be happy when it stops raining.” “I’ll be happy when…” This is an endless cycle of if…then. As soon as one want or need is met another pops up. Kind of like a game of whack-a-mole.

I’ve learned being happy for seemingly no apparent reason can baffle and unnerve folks. Early in my IBM career my mentor commented incredulously, “I think you’d be happy picking up garbage!” As if picking up garbage and being happy were mutually exclusive. Another time, years later, I bounced into my boss’s office for a meeting and he looked at me almost disdainfully asking, “What the hell are you so happy about?” I responded, “Well for starters I woke up this morning. I looked down and saw my toes. They wiggle! I’m good to go.” Seemingly “little” things we often take for granted.

You may be thinking, “I’m all for happiness I just don’t think it’s realistic to be happy all the time. It’s more the exception than the rule.” Says who? Why limit the possibility? Why can’t unhappiness be the exception? Happiness is a state of being completely within our control. It’s an inside job independent of the outside world. Like everything else it’s a decision based on what we’ve consciously or unconsciously chosen to believe. Are we merely bodies vulnerable to fearful, external forces guiltily stealing bits of happiness now and then? Or are we something greater with a purpose far grander than we’ve allowed ourselves to imagine? Is it possible God’s will for us is perfect happiness? What feels more true, more empowering?

I don’t believe in playing small. My mission–yours too if you choose to accept it–is to be a conduit for love. This is your heart’s desire. Happiness is love spilling out and revealing its presence for all to see and feel. Your shining, smiling face and happy laughter is a blessing on the world. Happiness is infectious and has healing power for those in sorrow and pain. It’s difficult not to feel good when you smile or laugh, or when seeing someone else smile and hearing him or her laugh. It’s one of the many ways love expresses itself.

I feel this magic often with one memory in particular standing out above the rest. I was eating lunch with my Mom at her favorite restaurant. Probing into her past, I playfully invited her to share some of her happier moments. After a slight pause she began to talk and quickly became absorbed in the story telling. I peppered her with questions and observed the light in her eyes as she spoke; watching as the memories were relived once again. I encouraged her to continue and before long my Mom was laughing with abandon, tears running down her cheeks. Within seconds I was doing the same. Even today I see it so clearly and can’t help but smile. Details of her stories are long forgotten while the beautiful light on her face and the joy I felt watching her will stay with me forever. In that moment she forgot the pain of her many illnesses and in the process gifted me with one of my happiest, most healing and beautiful memories.

You have to admit it takes a lot of effort to be unhappy. I just don’t want to work that hard. It’s much easier to smile than frown. It feels better to laugh than to cry. The abandon in a good belly laugh puts me over the moon. This is natural. We can actively cultivate happiness and manage our state of being. We start by refusing to let our fears, beliefs, opinions, and judgments work against it. We can learn to use every circumstance, no matter how challenging–in fact in spite of how challenging–to find our center, our calm in the storm, effectively returning to our “happy place” sooner rather than later.

These tumultuous and uncertain times could leave you feeling happiness isn’t possible or even justified. Don’t let them. It is precisely now that our love, expressed as happiness, is needed more than ever. It’s an acknowledgment that love is stronger than fear and hope is more powerful than despair. Dare to go against the norm and shift your energy field to one of joy. Trust this has a far-reaching effect in ways you can’t possibly imagine. I promise you’ll be happy you did.