I spend a lot of time in my head. I like it there; it’s where all the action is. It’s my kingdom and I rule. I’m a benevolent monarch and, with increasingly rare exception, my kingdom is a peaceful one.

For most of my life this wasn’t the case.

Conflict was the norm. My mind was a war zone of fear and uncertainty. Weaponized by unquestioned beliefs and misplaced, competing values. Emotionally I felt anxious, angry, and defensive, and mostly powerless against the onslaught of my thoughts, certain I was the victim of everything and everybody “out there.” Externally, I acted out my internal conflict with tumultuous relationships that lacked trust or respect and kept me on an emotional rollercoaster. Sound familiar?

Without discipline, the mind is run by our ego, a child who needs to be lovingly taught to act responsibly. Inexperienced, a child goes headlong into situations unaware of the consequences. A child doesn’t know what he or she doesn’t know and must be shown. Without guidance children can become unruly, causing harm to themselves and others. There are times a child resists guidance, perhaps throwing full-blown temper tantrums, acting self-centered and demanding. This is an angry cover for underlying fear and helplessness.

Ask yourself, “If my ego is the child, who is the adult in the room?” Good question. The “adult” is your higher (your divine) self. It is the still, small voice that offers another way to look at both yourself and the world around you. It stands ready and waiting for you to ask for help. It is the part of you that knows rather than thinks. It speaks calmly, lovingly, and with authority. Unless you’re aware enough to seek it out—ask, wonder, knock—it’s difficult to discern above the shrieking of the ego. This sane self is a messenger of love and represents the angel in each of us. It is the essence of our spiritual nature.

Our mind is a tool operated by you, the thinker. As the thinker, you have the power and freedom to choose what program you select; the undisciplined child or the experienced guide. Your choices give life to ideas, and manifest tangible forms. Think: your determination enabled you to surmount all odds, problem-solve, conceive of and launch a business, paint a picture, write a poem.  

Most of us don’t understand we have this capability and, therefore, this power. We abdicate this power when we look “outside” for our suffering’s cause. We deny this power when we search “out there” for what we want and need for our happiness.

Here’s the good news. You are the thinker who decides which voice leads and which voice follows. You are also the owner of your experience. As the experiencer you are uniquely qualified to evaluate the results of your choices. Cause and effect reside within you and nowhere else. It’s a closed loop system and works 100% of the time. Celebrate! You get immediate feedback, instant course correction any time, and you own the process from end to end.

Don’t like the experience? Change the choice.

Admittedly this is simple yet not easy. I can tell you unequivocally it is worth the investment of time and effort. Focused intent, commitment, discipline, and a lot of hard work is required to undo years of unconsciously defaulting to our ego and subjecting ourselves to its tyrannical rule. It takes shining a light on and eliminating the programmed settings of our judgments and beliefs. It means giving up being right so you can be happy. It means valuing, above everything else, your peace of mind. The ego is emotionally immature and thrives on power and recognition so be prepared for serious resistance when you pull the plug. You can and will subdue it…but not without a lot of kicking and screaming. That wild child ruled the roost for a long time.

For the brave of heart, I invite you to become a benevolent king/queen/commander-in-chief of your mind. To secure peace, rule with love. Actively mediate between the ego and your higher self and teach the ego its proper place is the physical expression of the higher self’s direction; its “feet on the street.” 

Clarifying your role and taking responsibility will end the perpetual war in your mind. Let it serve in peace. Intentionally seek and request help from your higher self and trust it knows your best interest. Be vigilant to maintain the peace and course-correct sooner rather than later when you make an error. You will be highly motivated to do this because the results include health, happiness, compassion, kindness, gratitude, and love. Anything less indicates that ego has regained control.

You are not a victim of the world you see. You have the power! Let your spirit be your guide. Repurpose your body as a messenger for love in the world. Seize—don’t abdicate—your throne, and rule wisely and well.

 “I have a kingdom I must rule. At times, it does not seem I am its king at all. It seems to triumph over me, and tell me what to think, and what to do and feel. And yet it has been given me to serve whatever purpose I perceive in it. My mind can only serve. Today I give its service to the Holy Spirit to employ as He sees fit. I thus direct my mind, which I alone can rule. And thus I set it free to do the Will of God.” (A Course in Miracles; Lesson 236)