I march to my own drummer, and I prefer it that way. I never liked being told what to do. I’m not fond of senseless rules, and I am not one to blindly follow the crowd. For as long as I can remember I questioned the status quo. My mother told me I drove her nuts asking “why?” and “what for?”
I’m frequently amused by groupthink. For instance, my former husband was perfectly sincere when he told me I couldn’t wear white shoes after Labor Day. “Says who?” I wanted to know. He wasn’t the only one that drank the Kool-Aid. Someone, somewhere, at sometime, decided it was a fashion faux pas and legions followed.
I know I commit a crime of sorts when I get on an elevator and actually talk to the people moving up or down with me. The unwritten rule is to face forward, stand straight, and keep your mouth shut. Guess I missed the memo that explained riding in an elevator is a religious experience, and one to be taken seriously. Oops!
Acting “professional” is another pet peeve of mine. Who decided that there was a “right” way of being in the workplace? For a woman who is naturally vivacious, being professional often means keeping a lid on it by maintaining a serious demeanor, and taking on a persona clearly not her own. A young woman, new to management, told me how much she’d learned by watching me at an event we’d attended together. When I asked her what she’d learned, she replied, “I learned I could be myself.” “Who else would you want to be?” I queried. This young lady has enormous charisma and heart, yet she erroneously thought her natural gifts were inappropriate for a professional setting. How many people go to work each day keeping the best they have to offer constrained because of this thinking?
While working at IBM, a manager asked, “What the hell are you so happy about?” It literally stunned me. Not one to be strategic and politically correct, I looked him in the eye and responded honestly. “I woke up this morning, I can still see my toes and they’re wiggling, so I’m good to go! How can I not be happy?” From his perspective, being happy and taking work seriously was mutually exclusive.
So what prompted this blog? A few weeks ago my sister gave me a compliment that really hit home. She said that one of the things she most admires about me is my ability to be “fearlessly joyful.” I’d not heard that before, and so I took some time to let it sink in. She noticed I’m not afraid to be happy. It’s not something I ever consciously considered. I’m able to live this way because I’m not concerned about fitting in, or about what others think, or whether they’ll like me. I am my own authority.
It wasn’t always this way. I arrived at this position after many years of becoming aware of, and observing, my thinking. I took time to question things most people don’t consider. I learned, through practice, that what I believe directly correlates to the degree of happiness I experience. I’m willing to dismantle beliefs that imprison my true nature, and try on new ideas that resonate with my heart. I know that I have control over what I think, what I believe. If I’m unhappy I know the source of it, and, if I’m willing, I can change my mind and return to peace. That, and my desire to see truly, has led to my incredible sense of freedom.
Sadly, my observation is that most individuals are “joylessly fearful,” imprisoned by their thinking. I remember a sticker I saw when I was younger, “life’s a bitch and then you die.” At one time I actually believed that. But I know now that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Learning to question the things we do without really knowing why, (start with the ones that never made sense) puts us on the road to freedom. It’s a way to begin to practice with minimal risk, to decide what works and what doesn’t, making you and not someone else the authority for your life. It’s incredibly empowering–I have to warn you–and highly addictive. This practice works on everything, no matter the situation.
Recently, I’ve had fun planning my wedding and shamelessly shocking friends with my disregard for etiquette. Etiquette, shmetiquette! What feels right to me? What makes me happy? It’s a forum to be creative and live from my heart, not someone else’s.
Perhaps, while reading, you’ve already thought of a few areas where you might want to go rogue. Go ahead and stir things up! Ask, “Says who?” and feel fearlessly joyful as you respond, “I do, that’s who!”
Jay says
Fabulous, Marquerite! Yes, no better words describe you. And too, this is the core teaching of The Course In Miracles, right? I think your sister handed you the perfect title for your book!
Marguerite LaDue says
Hey Jay! By George I think you have something there – yes it would make a fabulous title!! Thanks for that insight. Love you xoxoxo
Malvina Simon says
YOU GO MARGUERITE!!!
LOVE THIS ARTICLE!
LOVE YOU!!!!
Marguerite LaDue says
Malvina so glad this touched your heart! I love you xoxoox
Gary says
This one really made me smile. Brought back such fond memories of our working life. This is SO you. Made me remember the times I had to “throttle you” back at times in those headquarter meetings. I always felt bad because it was going so much against your grain. So happy the real you is out and about now.
Marguerite LaDue says
Now I’m the one who’s smiling! Yes you did have to “throttle” me back – hahaha! But you also protected me from the darker forces we needed to deal with :-)) I share your fond memories and am grateful for them. And for better, or worse, the real me is out and about! So freeing. xoxo
Char says
Enjoyed This! I like the way you think!
Marguerite LaDue says
Well hi!! Glad you enjoyed this. Blogging is my way of stirring the pot and encouraging people to think about things. It’s always our thinking that imprisons or frees us. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Christine says
Love this thought , and the beauty of the truth !
Marguerite LaDue says
Truth is always clear and simple. The work is in whether we want to believe it or not. xoxoxo
Donna Colfer says
Aahhhh….Love it!!
Marguerite LaDue says
hahaha! No doubt you related to the comments about my wedding planning :-)) I appreciate you being so gracious and understanding. xoxox
Rose-Marie says
Dear Margueruite,
All of what you wrote resonates with me. Years ago in my massage training I recall an Asian philosophy we were taught, “Who is to say what is right or wrong” that has since been a part of how I often think and wonder. We do live in a world with so much righteous believes, it troubles me at times. Life is about choices, and try not to stay being stuck in the past. Every day is a blessing to wake up and be able to see the day, no matter what. Aging has its challenges and surprises, and that too is part of feeling alive, and be grateful. I am so happy for you to have found a true friend whom you will marry (I assume) this coming weekend.
Sending lots of Love,
Rose-Marie
Marguerite LaDue says
Dear Rose-Marie, thank you so much for writing and sharing how you think. Life is about choices and knowing we determine what we experience. I’m so glad my words resonated with you. Yes getting married this coming weekend (July 2) and I’ve no doubt I’ll learn many more valuable lessons with Keith’s help. I appreciate your warm wishes and the love that you’re sending our way. I look forward to seeing you again soon (and recognizing you this time – ha!) xoxoxox
Matisun says
Well said sistaface!!! Thanks for setting a joyful example for us all. I know it has taken me practice as an adult to know it’s safe to be joyful and rest in that joy without fear. To trust it. Was easier when I was younger- seemed to do it naturally. Now I need to be more mindful yet I’ve learned through all the hardships that Divine Love holds us safely in joy, no matter the appearances. It’s a constant underneath, like a beautiful melody, no matter the noise of the world. So I’m trusting love!
Marguerite LaDue says
Sista! Thank you for sharing honey. Learning to trust – really letting go and trusting – is the big kahuna :-)) When I strip it all away it comes down to this – do I believe there’s an all-encompassing power that is my Source? that is only Love? and wants only my perfect happiness? I believe it, until I don’t and then I practice some more. Grateful beyond words that you’re my practice buddy. I love you xoxoxo