My cat, Simon, died last week. He had inoperable cancer on his chin and in his chest. I learned of his condition a month ago and knew that his passing would present me with one of the hardest lessons I had to learn.
Simon was “my guy.” He came into my life four years ago, and from the start I considered him a guardian angel. His calm, steady presence was so soothing. “I can’t explain the feeling of bliss I have when he is with me,” I once wrote in my journal. He was grounded in the here and now. He was grace in action. And, there was a knowingness about him, a wisdom that deeply touched my heart. I expressed my gratitude often, telling him how much I loved and appreciated him in my life. I just knew he was no ordinary cat.
When it became clear to me Simon did not have long to live, I prayed. I prayed for help in seeing the situation through the eyes of love, not fear, and to go through the experience with peace in my mind. While my heart was heavy, I knew that this was where the rubber meets the road. Could I stay faithful to my desire for Truth? As A Course in Miracles teaches, would I be willing to “see the changeless in the heart of change; the light of truth behind appearances.” Simon was my teacher in so many ways, and I felt he had one more lesson to impart. I did not want to miss it.
I began to observe myself closely, specifically, my thinking. I caught myself becoming sad, and my eyes filling with tears, when I thought, “Simon is dying,” “I am going to miss Simon so much,” “Oh he must be suffering terribly.” Then I’d realize I was missing out on the moment. Here was Simon, sitting quietly right in front of me, and calmly looking at me. “Silly girl! Be here, now, with me,” he seemed to say. He fully accepted his condition. He didn’t name it, he didn’t judge it, he didn’t reject it, and he didn’t fear it. Why was I? Because I believed my thoughts. I was caught in my story of love and loss, of pain and sorrow.
The time came when Simon could no longer eat or drink. He was weak physically, yet his spirit stayed strong. He was so quiet, so still, so present, and so accepting. He calmly waited. I marveled at this and was humbled by the trust he had in life unfolding, as it must.
I was torn between putting him to “sleep,” and letting him die naturally. I asked for guidance. I was led to have his veterinarian administer the shot that stopped his heart. He died with me telling him how much I loved and appreciated him, and how grateful I was that he came to pass my way awhile, to grace me with the gift of his presence.
I wish I could tell you that I went through this in complete peace. I didn’t. I went back and forth but stayed the course. I’m peaceful now. I’m realizing how my thinking makes Simon dead or alive. Sure, my five senses are screaming that he died; yet my sixth sense, my spiritual vision, knows better. What will never change, and will always be true, despite the appearance of loss, is the love I have for Simon. He lives on in my heart and that gives me much comfort and joy.
Matisun says
Oh Marguerite this beautiful. I know your steadfastness for truth and I honor you through this most difficult journey for your faith and courage. Simon truly was, truly is an angel, so full of grace. I felt blessed to know him, to be in his peaceful presence and to be his auntie. Simon you will be remembered and loved always. When I think of you, I feel your peaceful presence even still. What a gift you were and continue to be. We love you!
Marguerite LaDue says
Thanks Sis! Yes he’s our angel :-)) So glad you got to know and love him and be touched, as I was, by his beautiful presence. I love you xoxoxo
Gary says
Beautiful Marguerite. Sad, but beautiful.
Marguerite LaDue says
Actually Gary it’s a beautiful ending to a beautiful life -he will live on forever in my heart – right where he belongs :-))
Catherine 70 says
Oh Marguerite, I’m so sorry about Simon. Blessings,
Marguerite LaDue says
Thanks Catherine. Yes he was special wasn’t he? No worries as he’s left me many beautiful memories that will feed my heart for the rest of my life. Lucky me!! xoxox
Sabrina says
Oh I’m so sorry Marguerite! But what a beautiful and truthful way to see things! Thanks for sharing! Viva la Simon! ??❤
Marguerite LaDue says
Yes Viva la Simon!!! I think he’s smiling at that :-)) Thanks Sabrina. It really was an honor for me to have the time with such a graceful and beautiful spirit – ala “Simon”.
John & Karen says
We are so sorry for your loss. The Duffer will be with him. John & Karen
Marguerite LaDue says
The Duffer and him will be great buddies no doubt! Both with the same sweet nature. No loss, more wonderful, heart-warming memories! xoxox
Donna says
Simply beautiful tribute to a wonderful life. I also continue to be inspired by the 4-legged friends in my life.
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you Donna. Yes these furry friends- of all types – sure do have a way of touching one’s heart. Lucky us!! xoxo
Sid says
So beautiful. So grounded in Truth.
Thank you so much for sharing. Peace and love “lives” on.
Marguerite LaDue says
Well hello Sid! I hope you are well. Thank you for your kind words. Ahhh Truth – it’s always there if we take the time to look for it! No matter what the form…and in Truth lies our peace and joy. My best to you.
Judy says
Though I have Buster and Abby with me now, your writing brought Moggie and Muggers back to me in full force. Cats are such amazing creatures – they give so much and they never leave you. Thank you, Marguerite.
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh so happy Judy that my story ignited memories of your loved ones. A wonderful way to illustrate that they never leave you, despite appearances, they are the gifts that keep on giving. Thank you for sharing.
Joe Profaci says
Hi Marguerite,
So sorry to hear of your loss. Our dog, Sage, is a member of our family. She’s getting older, and I think about the time when she will no longer be with us. I find it hard to accept. But, as you say, circumstances need to be viewed via all perspectives, and I hope when the time comes I’ll be able to follow your example.
On another note, my family and I are going to Malta this summer! We will be spending a week there, and then a week in Sicily w/family and friends. Any advice on what to do and see in Malta?
All my best,
Joe
Marguerite LaDue says
Hello Joe! How wonderful to hear from you! Sage is with you NOW and that’s what you focus on :-)) Anything else is going down the rabbit hole – HA! But of course I know you know that. As for Malta – awesome!! I will send you a separate email with lots of ideas. How fun!!
Michelle LaPrise says
Thank you for sharing your insights from one of my life’s most tender and painful experiences. Yes, that ‘sixth sense’ — where the peace and acceptance can be found. So hard to get to in the midst of a heartbreakingly painful ‘loss’ on the physical. Our beloved pets are one of live’s most heart-full and cherished gifts.
Simon had a life beyond the wildest dreams of any kitty — you were both blessed and enriched. Love, Michelle
Marguerite LaDue says
Michelle thank you for putting things so beautifully…Yes our pets truly are a gift to be cherished and present us with a wonderful opportunity to strengthen our sixth sense :-)) I’m so glad you shared in my love for Simon and for sure we were both blessed and enriched – a holy relationship yes? I love you xoxoxo
Jay says
How beautifully you describe what it is like to observe oneself in the midst of a thought-created struggle and be able to return again and again to being present, Marquerite. I love how you recognized Simon’s role as your teacher all the way to his final breath. He was one amazing Zen Master.
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you Jay! Being the non-judgmental observer was critical to my process for sure. And my desire to find Truth. Yes for sure Simon was an amazing Zen Master and reinforces my belief that we can find love and Truth in every encounter – friend or foe, human or beast. I appreciate you sweetheart. See you soon! Love you much xoxoxo
Sabrina Tanner says
Such a lovely and moving sentiment for Simon. I know his great spirit will always be with you. You did the best you could and I hope your sorrow will be eased by the joy and love he has given to you. Many of us have lost dear pets and we cherish the memories of our times with them. Really great writing on this chapter. Also really enjoyed the photos of you and Simon! Hugs and support to you my dear friend.
Marguerite LaDue says
Hello dear one! Thank you for your kind words. My sorrow was transformed by the recognition that the gifts he brought would never leave me…here, in my heart, always. How great is that???!!! And what a beautiful, sweet messenger was sent to bring them :-)) Glad you liked the photos – they were my favorites. I love you dear one. xoxoxo
Donna Colfer says
I’m so deeply touched by your news. I’m so sorry, Marguerite. I loved Simon! I was always impressed with how grounded and calm Simon was for an older rescue cat. He was the best and always hung out with us no matter if we were a group in your living room or just one on one. Such sweet energy. He had the best life with you! He will be missed.
Marguerite LaDue says
Donna thank you so much for loving Simon! It makes me very happy to know that he touched your heart too. Yes he certainly was grounded…and calm. He was in full command of himself and a wonderful model for me. We were all blessed by his presence. xoxoxo
Keith liimatta says
Marguerite,
I’m so proud of you I know how you prayed and what a important lesson this was for you I too learned from Simon. Simon will always remain in your heart and you in his.
Love you, Keith
Marguerite LaDue says
Thanks honey. I know Simon touched your heart too and I so appreciate your support as I went through this process. Seems my little guy was comfortable leaving me in your loving care. xoxoxo
julianna says
Simon says: “Marguerite, thank you for giving me a super life with you full of lovin’, fresh tap water, and kibbles. Now, get on with your wonderful life…I’m always there with you (and so is my fur which you will find in unlikely places months in the future…)”
Marguerite, your story reminded me of my little fur monster Princess (folks, that was her vet name, she went by many others at home). I wish I had your words to read when she passed in July 2014 in a similar manner.
We are all thinking of you –
Julianna, Zeus & Zephyr
Marguerite LaDue says
Julianna you are so funny! Thanks for the levity, much appreciated. Yes Princess…she was more like a Queen if I remember correctly – very regal and we know who ruled the roost – HA! These little critters provide wonderful opportunities for growth – they touch our hearts so deeply. I appreciate all the love you, Zeus and Zephyr have sent my way. See you soon!! xoxoxoxo
Debbie Widmann says
Marguerite , Simon was a blessing in your life
. More than the chair companion in the quiet mornings with tea and book in hand. I’m really not a cat person but Simon showed me differently.
I hope you find one his little gifts that he often brought you. He’ll be purring with pride and a smile.
Marguerite LaDue says
Debbie! How very sweet of you to write (and to be reading my blog!) Yes Simon was a blessing indeed. I love the way you captured our morning ritual :-)) It was his presence, more than anything else, that touched me the most. That will be his enduring gift to me.
Hope all well with you and thank you for reaching out. Much love to you. xoxo