My second marriage of twenty years ended when I finally faced the fact that my life didn’t look anything like I’d imagined. I hit a tipping point: the pain of ignoring the nagging, persistent, long-time call of my heart was greater than walking away from everything I had worked so hard for.
I believe strongly that the quality of one’s life is determined by the quality of one’s relationships. I loved my husband and he loved me yet we lived together in two separate and very different worlds. Our values were not aligned and his idea of success was diametrically opposed to mine.
Not a little bit. A lot.
This difference became too great to keep ignoring. Things came to a head when I told my husband that I wanted to retire. We had no debt whatsoever, and I simply wanted to live in our home, the one we had extensively remodeled in preparation for retirement. From the respite of this inviting retreat I would ponder the next chapter of my life.
My husband, already enjoying retirement, did not feel we had enough savings and was strongly opposed to me leaving a very high six -figure salary. Believing I would never move from the home I loved so much, he basically gave me an ultimatum, “If you retire I don’t know that it will work for me.” At that point I realized our relationship, my job, and my life weren’t working for me… and hadn’t for a very long time.
The die had been cast; there was no turning back. I told my husband I was filing for divorce. He agreed. I did my best to make it an amicable split. For a time I hoped he’d understand until I realized it didn’t matter whether he understood or not. It was no longer about him.
In the space of a few weeks I left my husband, my home, and my job.
I moved to a different state. Rather than a new chapter, I started a whole new book. I love my life and am extremely grateful that my husband “played his part well,” for without him I wouldn’t be where I am today. My husband’s clarity and honesty on what wouldn’t work for him was the gift I needed to get clear and honest about what no longer worked for me. Every relationship has a gift and while it may end in form, the gift–should we choose to see it–stays with us.
Marguerite LaDue
October 23, 2016
Gary says
Best yet! Heartfelt, honest and brave.
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh thank you Gary! You must know that your support and encouragement throughout the years has helped me get to this point. I so appreciate and love you.
Juliette Andrews says
Fortunately you had/have the clarity and intuition to pursue your journey. I am happy for you. Pure and simple. Juliette Andrews
Marguerite LaDue says
Juliette thank you for writing and your kind words. Each and every one of us has this capacity and my sharing is to encourage others to search within and seek their truth.
Jay says
Wow… this is SO similar to my story, Marguerite !! And people probably tell you you were brave, right? But it’s really not about courage as much as it is about clarity. You reach that point, as you said, where it becomes a choiceless choice and you just can’t turn back. And how life-giving it is, to ourselves and others, to be able to focus on the gift the relationship brought us rather than viewing it as a mistake. Thank you for this reminder that life is always happening FOR us rather than TO us. I love reading your posts and appreciate your willingness to share your stories and great insights!
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you so much Jay. I love your phrase “choiceless choice” – yes that’s what it was. I think the real courage comes from one’s willingness to look within and be honest with oneself, to love oneself enough to say “yes” to oneself regardless of the seeming consequences. I have learned, as you have, that life is FOR us only every time! I love you.
John L says
One can be happy or pretend to be…..Your choice!
Marguerite LaDue says
YES!! Very well said John. Thank you. xoox
Malvina Simon says
This gave me goosebumps my sweet sister-in-law. I am so happy for you that the goosebumps have now turned to welling tears!! ILY
Marguerite LaDue says
Ahh Mal…you are so sweet. The journey is sometimes rough but always worth it. I love you.
cristin felso says
❤ great.
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you my dear! xoxo
Kenny says
Marguerite, for years I was able to see how you were manipulated and how your love and kindness were being taken advantage of. It hurt me very much to witness this, knowing there was not a thing I could do about it. You are the most caring, supportive, and optimistic lady there is and share tremendously of yourself. Not for your own benefit but, because you believe in others and their potential as individuals. Your joy comes from seeing those you know and encounter able to propel themselves to achieve their happiness and well being, whatever that is in their eyes and heart. Your life experiences, especially the one you mention here, combined with your desire to help others realize it all comes from within the heart, not that of the pressures others impose upon us, or the financial gain that truly matters.
God bless you Marguerite, and thank you for all you do for me. May this new book you are writing be the all time best seller! Much continued love and happiness for you and all those who seek your guidance.
Marguerite LaDue says
Wow Kenny…thank you so much for your love and support and if you see this in me please know that it is therefore in you or you couldn’t see it! I love witnessing to your journey and delight in your loving heart.
John Zephir says
Hi Marguerite, This is very good and heartfelt article. It demonstrate that there are always forks in the road and we have to decide how to navigate. Life does not come with a hand book but our heart and faith is compass that guides us continually when we are still and willing to listen. I have always seen you as an inspirational person, full of life and always seeking to encourage others. It good to see that you have come full circle and are truly living life. You have and will always continue to have a special place in my heart. I treasure you as a friend for life and know that our paths will cross again. Until then much love and best of thoughts and wishes to you on your journey of life. Love ya JZ xoxoxoxo
Marguerite LaDue says
John what a wonderful surprise to receive your comment! Thank you so much for your lovely words and heartfelt wishes. You are indeed so right – life does not come with a handbook – we’ve got something better! a loving, wise internal GPS system 🙂 And indeed we must be willing to be still, ask and listen. No matter how many “wrong turns” we are always redirected. Love to you dear, dear friend and I so look forward to seeing you again. xoxoxo
Dawn says
Marguerite,
Thank you for sharing. Many of us never find the courage to seek our true passion, you are an inspiration!!!
Dawn
Marguerite LaDue says
Dawn thank you for your comment. Discontent and a feeling of missing the real purpose and meaning of my life is what finally enabled me to leap. When one gets the call it is more painful to ignore than to answer it. I can tell you that my life is so much easier and fuller since learning to follow my heart – it has given me more than I could possibly have imagined for myself. I wish that you find the courage and willingness to look within and follow your heart. It knows and has only your very best in store for you. xoxoxo
Leslie Antonelli Petersen says
I loved reading this Marguerite! Hit home for me in so many ways. Thanks for sharing your journey……you are inspirational. Thank you!
Marguerite LaDue says
Leslie! I’m tickled pink you read and liked my story. Yes no doubt there are many who find this familiar. I’m so happy and honored to be sharing what I’m learning – not easy but oh so worth it! xoxo
Michelle says
Thank you sharing this inspiring piece about your life–and from such a strong place of NON-judgment and love—and non-attachment to however David tells “his story”.
I remember feeling so paralyzed by fears (of giving up assets, which I had coded as “safety/security”) and confusion (I love him but I was miserable; had lost touch with what a healthy relationship felt like-with a partner, but more importantly my SELF) in my struggle for (eventual) clarity and conviction. Oy!
I love you so very much my dear friend.
Marguerite LaDue says
Michelle thanks for sharing your feelings so honestly. Fears disguised as “logic” and the confusion our mind creates when spinning on its own and not in service to our heart is crippling. Bravo to you dear one for being willing to face those fears and choose your SELF above the noise and insanity. Step by step, day by day this is what we are asked to do. I’m so fortunate to be witnessing how beautifully and resolutely you are walking the path. I love you. xoxo
Rose-Marie says
Thank you for sharing such honest choice and journey! I am so happy I have met you and slowly getting to know you!
As it is so true to be ABLE to recognize what is working for our heart and mind.
Life is like a book with many chapters, I have had my share of them and continue to create new ones, which makes my life so special, and I am very grateful for all the wonderful friendships I have.
Marguerite LaDue says
Hi Rose-Marie! Thank you so much for writing. Yes awareness is certainly a key step and we really can’t know unless we observe our mind in action. That’s key to knowing oneself along with listening for that still small voice of our heart.
It is exciting to look forward to the chapters of our life unfold and it is indeed special! I eagerly await how our friendship may blossom. Oh…and gratitude…that’s the magic! I appreciate you sharing and keep on shining! Xoxo
Matisun says
Wow- straight from the heart! Thank you for sharing these pearls you’re gleaning on your journey, they are a blessing- like you! And thank you for your courage to live a heartfelt life, taking leaps of faith- those leaps reverberate throughout the Universe and bless us all, like echoes sounding within us or an ancient melody playing in our souls of what’s possible….
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh Sis… How lovely…thank you. I like to imagine everyone taking leaps of faith with joy and gratitude to the sounds of heavenly music :-)) you’re the best. I love you xoxo
Michelle says
That is SO true. And being able to discern the ‘small, still voice’ from the slightly louder (ego) one pretending to be the ‘small, still’ one can be equally confusing – but I guess we just keep getting the same lessons until we finally ‘get’ them — assuming we know what the dang lesson is supposed to be!
Thank you for your support and encouragement in ‘witnessing’ my walk on the path. I’m glad there are many benches and rest stops along the way!
Love, M