“Oh my gosh!”
“What, what’s the matter?” My friend asked me with alarm from the other end of my phone.
“It’s my leg,” I said, fascinated as I looked at it, crossed over my other leg. “I don’t recognize it. I mean I don’t remember ever seeing these before.” In a small panic, I checked out an arm. “As a matter of fact I don’t recognize my arm either.” Mysteriously and without my noticing or giving permission, my body had been swapped for someone else’s!
My friend started laughing, “Oh, don’t you know? That’s crepe skin.”
“Huh, what?” And that’s when it struck me as hilarious. “Crepe skin?” I asked. “Yeah it does look like crepe,” I marveled (I said crepe not crap!) and began to pull and tug and squish it up and turn it into all kinds of modern art.
I soon learned that most other women do not share my delight in this phenomenon. In fact, unhappiness, depression, and fear are the predominant emotions expressed when the topic of pre- and post-menopausal bodies is raised. I listen to women in the grocery store complain about the “lines” on their faces and how they are getting “old;” over lunch I listen to a dear friend confide that she no longer “feels pretty.” Not pretty? I think to myself.
“Oh my dear, you are absolutely beautiful,” I assure her as I look into her shining, open, vulnerable eyes. “If you could only see what I see.” And herein lies the difference.
My “lines” are bona fide wrinkles and my only thought is hell, I worked hard for these and I’m not letting them go. I remember when I noticed my first one. Looking back at me from my bathroom mirror were two smiles. Yes: one where you’d expect it to be, and the other right below my nose. “Well I’ll be darned,” I said in amazement as I cracked myself up at the time. “Way cool!”
Fretting and worrying isn’t limited to the wrinkles in our skin; any body part will do. “My hair! It’s getting limp, it’s getting thin, it’s getting gray, and how is it, Marguerite, that you’re okay with not coloring your hair? I mean it looks great but I could never do that!”
At one point, when I was married, I wore my hair very short and as soon as a gray hair showed up my husband promptly told me it was time to “get dunked.” Mind you, this was coming from a man who was totally gray, but of course he thought he was the silver fox (my son referred to him as the “the gray hound”) and being gray as a man is distinguished. Right?
After my divorce, a very dear male friend suggested I stop coloring my hair (yeah for sure I thought to myself as I brushed aside his comment), then my son told me it was time to get a new hairdo as mine was “farty looking.”
I had to agree. My sister encouraged me to let my curls finally take over. A bit skeptical at first, I made the changes. And in this simple act a new sense of freedom was born. Goodbye sitting at the “beauty” parlor looking like the bride of Frankenstein, goodbye blow dryer and trying to tame my curly hair into submission, goodbye living by someone else’s rules and ideas of what looks good. I love my long, gray, unruly hair, I love my crepe arms and legs, and I love the wrinkles on my face. Okay, I must admit I’m still working on loving my “tummy.”
The point is that my practice of A Course in Miracles and willingness to shed old beliefs has taught me to think about my body much differently than I have in the past. I am beginning to understand that I am not my body. The more I embrace this concept the freer I become. Why would I put so much emphasis and attention on something that is bound to change, to grow old, to die, and that doesn’t represent the true essence of who I am?
Nowadays my focus is on the light and life that animates my body and those of everyone I meet. Shifting my perception to these intangibles makes them very real and very visible, and just plain feels good: the beauty that reveals itself in a smile, a tender embrace, the look of mother to child, in the light shining brightly from another’s eyes. This is what I see and celebrate. The lines, the gray hair, and the crepe skin distract and keep us from seeing the beauty that lies within, but we don’t have to play into that idea. So next time you spot a new wrinkle or gray hair, relax! And embrace the opportunity it’s presenting to see it differently.
Marguerite LaDue
4/5/16
Judy Scotchmoor says
You presented a new concept! Wow! I EARNED these wrinkles!! Woo-hoo!
Marguerite LaDue says
Yes of course Judy you EARNED those wrinkles – unless of course you skated through life and never met with any adversity or challenges – HA! Earn away, every one is a success story in its own right.
Donna Colfer says
Thank you for this refreshing article and standing up for aging women who hold the wisdom for us all. A beautiful reminder to love ourselves no matter what.
Marguerite LaDue says
You betcha my beautiful, aging, woman friend who is amazing and continues to grow into her potential and claim her inherent wisdom! Shine on sista! xoxo
Jim Smith says
Amen!!! A great perspectime from an amazing person. Continue to let your essence shine for all to see.
Marguerite LaDue says
Jim thank you so much for the wonderful words of encouragement and support! What a nice surprise to see your comment. Much love to you and Debby dear friend. xoxo
Jean says
I love this commentary of changing through time. Yes, what is beautiful is a smile and a twinkle in the eye. I am starting to say 70 years young rather than 70 years old.
Kudos to you for being candid about what you see in the mirror, which is only a sheath covering what we truly are.
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh Jean that beautiful smile and twinkle in your eyes will always keep you shining and young because they reflect your incredible spirit! Shine on Ms 70 years young!!
Lucinda says
Beautiful! I love this!
Marguerite LaDue says
Thanks Lucinda! I’m so glad you’re enjoying my posts. Yes one of these days we will talk!! xoxo
Catherine Sevenau says
Funny, poignant, and oh so true…
Marguerite LaDue says
Yeah it’s the truth part that’s sometimes hardest to swallow! Thanks for reading Catherine.
Keith says
Nice story well written. Reality and truth is always best!
Marguerite LaDue says
Thanks Keith! So glad you enjoyed. I’m learning Reality is really so much better than the fairytale :-))
Donna says
I always feel refreshed and smile while reading your blog. I’m a fan!
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you Donna! I really appreciate your encouraging comments! I’m very happy that they make you happy :-))
Sky Wallace says
whenever I’m out and about and there is a moment of traditional interaction with, say, cashiers, sales women, teachers of young loved ones, fellow line standees – basically, any such opportunity with one of a certain age/genetic inclination – and there is a head of hair before me that is gloriously uncolored, I always extend appreciation and support to its owner. It’s only natural, indeed!
(However, I dunno if a mention of crepe skin would generate anywhere near the gratitude that is generally offered when the subject is hair color…)
And so far, my favorite definition of worry is: it’s like praying for things you don’t want to happen. I’ve always felt that it is something to be avoided as much as possible, and thankfully I’m pretty damn good at it!
Marguerite LaDue says
Sky thank you so much for writing! How good to know you’re a fan of the natural look :-)) yeah not sure crepe skin comment would get you very far – HA! Love your definition of worry – it’s classic law of attraction isn’t it? People don’t realize that worrying about what might happen actually gives it more energy! Glad you’ve mastered to skill to avoid that pitfall!
Sky Wallace says
yep, my outlook on (not) worrying about things is, Well, if it happens I’ll just deal with it, and if it doesn’t, then I didn’t waste any time or energy on the distraction…makes for a much calmer existence, it does!
Matisun says
Wow – great blog- a message we all need to be reminded of! Ahh the freedom of letting go of resistance….thank you Marguerite!
Marguerite LaDue says
The freedom of embracing what comes our way – wrinkles, gray hair, whatever! – is indeed freedom! Because I know that whatever comes my way is in my best interest if I choose to find the silver lining. Love you sis! xoxo