When I left my husband five years ago, the last thing on my mind was another relationship. I wasn’t soured on men, I simply wanted to concentrate on re-introducing myself to myself, to fall in love with me and to give the best I could in service to others.
The possibility of a soul mate entered my mind as a result of sessions with intuitives. Every one of them was consistent; there was to be a man with whom I would experience a deep connection. All this talk of someone special ig
nited my desire for the fairytale version of love with the happily-ever-after ending.
The thought of this tickled my fancy but as I look back, I see it also colored the way I approached dating. Rather than simply going out and having fun and seeing what developed, I evaluated whether each was potentially “the one.” If I thought the possibility existed, I made darned sure to protect the outcome I was expecting by attempting to control it, at the expense of being present to truly see the individual, assess my feelings, and communicate honestly, to him and to myself about what worked and what didn’t. I focused on what I thought was supposed to happen and not what was actually unfolding. I was projecting my hopes, fears, and expectations on each guy. I wanted something from them; they were to meet my wants and needs. The guys never stood a chance, nor did I.
These relationships of varying lengths (short, shorter and shortest) taught me a lot. Most notably, what doesn’t work, and how not to advertise to the world two weeks into a new romance that you’ve met your prince charming. Oh gosh that was embarrassing! More importantly it forced me to reevaluate my beliefs, to dig deep to expose the fears so that with willingness and a new awareness I’ll make better, more informed choices. What I know now:
- Having an agenda, an outcome, a hope, desire, an expectation for how things “should” be limits and prevents the infinite possibilities I know are there. It puts me in the future; I miss out on the present moment, I blind myself to the real person in front of me while I project what I want/need from him.
- Content, not form, matters. There may be one special love out there for me or perhaps many loves. What’s clear is that each encounter is an opportunity to learn to choose love by dedicating the relationship – whatever its length – to serving love’s purpose and not my own. I’ve come to understand that my role is to be the conduit for love to deliver its blessings, and for me to receive them. In this way I love unconditionally, a messenger without a vested self-interest.
- A relationship is an opportunity to observe and remove the obstacles that block me from truly experiencing love. These obstacles come in the form of beliefs calcified from lack of exposure to scrutiny, adopted in the past and left on autopilot for a long time.
An illusion is an illusion is an illusion no matter how pretty I paint the picture. Looking out there for someone to complete me is denying what I already have within me. I must be willing to surrender every false idol – handsome prince included. The relationship with my Source, the heart of all relationships, assures me I am whole and complete, and that is the strongest foundation for attracting and experiencing a deep connection with another individual. The love of my life is here, now. I was simply looking in all the wrong places.
Marguerite LaDue
8/11/16
Cristin says
Wonderful!! My favorite yet.
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh I’m so glad! Thank you Cristin. xoxo
Ron says
Hit it dead on, M. ??
Marguerite LaDue says
Why thank you Ron! Much appreciated 🙂
Vance Petrunoff says
Stay the course Marguerite! Thank you for sharing this.
Vance
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you Vance! There’s no stopping me now :-)) My life is an exciting journey and it simply gets better all the time! I’m happy to share what I have learned and know to be true as I wish everyone can feel like I do.
Rodger says
Some people see
Some people don’t
Some people cry
Some people won’t
Love plays a game before
my eyes,
I see only sometimes
Hear much more
Understand very little
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh I like this Rodger! Thanks for sharing.
Sabrina Tanner says
This is great writing and wonderful insight to self awareness for all of us!
Thank you so much for sharing. Also, love the little “cartoons” so well placed in your article.
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh Sabrina! Thank you. Glad you liked the cartoons – I challenged myself to figure out how to do that – HA!
Donna Guadagni says
You are not alone with this one…….
Than you for your experience, so nicely expressed!
Trusting the women still struggling with this, will find your
writing helpful. If I had been exposed to your thoughts many
years ago…. grief would have been spared.
Marguerite LaDue says
Donna everything happens in exactly the right time and your experiences have shaped who you are today. Your grief, and your willingness and courage to work through it, provided valuable lessons that you too can share with others. Thanks so much for writing!
Cathy Webber says
Wow Marguerite, I thoroughly enjoyed your writing. I think your words of wisdom hold true for all sorts of relationships. For me this is especially true for what I am working through with my family and also within my church community where we are being asked to consider a major change and many folks are struggling. These are wonderful times and opportunities for us to go deeper and move away from the all the obstacles hanging out on the surface. That takes courage and a willingness to stick our necks out, so to speak…and ouch that can hurt sometimes! But wow it can be so worth it! And I especially like your #1 suggestion: letting go of the outcome. Funny, when I let go , the outcomes are even better than imagined. This is amazing stuff. Thank you so much for sharing.
Marguerite LaDue says
Cathy you are spot on! Yes these ideas can be applied to ANY situation. In fact our “problems” are our greatest opportunities and “problem” people are really our angels. These situations, if we’re willing – key word! – can provide insights for growth. Courage is important as is having an ideal to aspire to. I will be writing more on that.Letting go is essential and my experience, as is yours, is that we receive so much more than we could possibly imagine.Thank YOU for sharing!
Celia says
Very honest and insightful. Brava to you for being so candid. There’s so much to love about you!
Marguerite LaDue says
Awww…thanks sweetheart!
Beverly Hamilton says
We come here looking for love, forgetting we ARE Love! You express that thought so beautifully and your journey speaks to all of us. Thanks for sharing.
Marguerite LaDue says
Beverly thank you for summarizing the crux of the issue so succinctly! I’m glad this piece inspired you to comment in such an effective way.
Michelle says
Right on! And oh, we can read/hear this wise counsel a million times but it’s not until we authentically, honestly step into it-and live from it-that we get the necessity-and value of it.
So many levels of facing fears and illusions that have been unconsciously clung to–and must be let go of–and then some floundering for a bit -til one grabs hold of the real journey-and discover, yes!, it can be a wild, joyous ride!
At least that’s the path/journey I’ve been taking these past 18 months–chiefly in the form of my relationship to life and who I am in it.
Thank you for a terrific, enlightening, and heart-full post!!
Marguerite LaDue says
Michelle kudos to you!Thanks for sharing your experience in such a clear and tangible way. Yes we flounder but if we hold on to our vision and continue to believe in another way we will find it and there will be no turning back. I’m honored to be walking the path with you my friend.
Donna Colfer says
This touched my heart…amazing insights, Marguerite. And I, too, loved the cartoons! They gave me a good laugh, unexpectedly. So beautiful seeing you unfold with this blog. Your true calling! Love you…
Marguerite LaDue says
It touched your heart? Well then my dear I’m doing my job – HA! Thank you for the kind words.
Patti says
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. Decades ago, after a sad breakup, I spent many years trying to be the best person I could be for myself, not for anyone else. That period of self discovery was sometimes painfully sad, sometimes dreadfully lonely and many times very joyful as I discovered who the person who looked back at me in the mirror really was. Because of those years of not caring about being in a relationship, when I least expected it, I met my wonderful husband Jay and we had twenty-five beautiful, fun-filled and tender years together. I miss him terribly now and yet I know this is another growth time for me. It seams that painful things in my life, that I would never choose if I had a choice, are always the things that teach me the most.
I applaud your journey and wish you much joy as the spark that is Marguerite glows brighter and brighter.
Marguerite LaDue says
Patti thank you so much for sharing your experience. I was very touched with your story as you know and it has been a source of inspiration and encouragement for me. Your new growth suits you very well as your light was certainly on when I saw you at the Impact100 Garden Party last weekend! I really appreciate your support.
Susan says
Marguerite,
This is the best yet, and is such a true message. Loving oneself and feeling “enough” is one of the hardest things to learn, instead of looking outside ourselves. But you’re teaching us.
Love you!
Marguerite LaDue says
And you my dear are a fabulous student and quick learner!
Sharon Noel says
Hi Marguerite thank you for including me in Reading your wonderful blogs I completely resonate with the whole waiting for the prince??, comments been there done that. It’s important to enjoy friendships people and The ever present family we sometimes take for granted . Glad you shared Sharon
Marguerite LaDue says
I’m so glad you are enjoying my musings – thanks Sharon!
Ken Civelli says
Love in all the wrong places, been there and may even be there now???
I know, I’m working on me…
Thanks for the enlightenment as always!
Kenny
Marguerite LaDue says
Oh Kenny thanks for commenting…you sweetheart are love! And no need to “work” on yourself it’s a matter of discovering what is already there. I certainly see it so clearly! I love you. xoxo
Matisun says
Wow beautiful! thank you for sharing your insights and pearls gleaned from experience, honest searching, willingness and courage to look within and obvious dedication to truth. Love you! You are precious.
Marguerite LaDue says
Aww sweetie thank you. Glad we’re on this journey together! I love you.
julianna says
I can learn a lot from this…the story of my life! I especially like the “What I know now” – right on! Thank you as always for your insight and encouraging, positive outlook.
Marguerite LaDue says
I’m glad you found this helpful Julianna. Truly once I realized how insane my thinking was and decided to give it all up to the One who knows such a sense of peace and freedom followed…and, my heavens, a wonderful man entered my life quite unexpectedly! Keep on, keeping on honey – just not alone – as you’ve got Help whenever you want it. Love you much dear friend. xoxo