With Thanksgiving upon us I began to think about what it really means to be grateful, and how my concept of gratitude has evolved through the years, as has much of my thinking.
I turned to Google for the definitions of gratitude and thankfulness to see how they compared to my understanding. I learned that gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness and that thankfulness is being aware and appreciative of a benefit. I continued to explore what popped up, and I discovered the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. In collaboration with the University of California, Davis, and funding from the John Templeton Foundation, they have launched a multiyear project called Expanding the Science and Practice of Gratitude.
The project was encouraged by early scientific research that found people who consistently practice gratitude experience a host of benefits, including better health, higher levels of happiness, and less depression. Their work hopes to expand on this body of knowledge.
Science, as in many cases, is catching up with and validating what many spiritual traditions encouraged for thousands of years.
Robert Emmons, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, and professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, calls gratitude “an affirmation of goodness.” Gratitude’s essence lies in recognizing, acknowledging, and appreciating our connection to others—even a higher power—and the many gifts they gave that benefitted us.
Definitions, science and Professor Emmons touch on the concept of gratitude, but in my opinion don’t go far enough. They don’t capture the heart or essence of gratitude as I experience it.
For me, gratitude is inseparable from love. My most intense feelings of gratitude occur when I am aware of and acknowledge the fullness of my heart and the love that envelops me when I sit in quiet contemplation. I’m connected to something bigger, greater, intangible yet palpable. It’s simultaneously an experience of receiving and a pouring out, frequently accompanied by tears of joy. My natural and spontaneous response is gratitude—pure and simple. Nothing else is even remotely appropriate.
This is the pinnacle of my experience and certainly not how I was initially exposed to the concept. As with so many things, my understanding is an ever-evolving process. Each phase is a building block for the next. My first lesson in gratitude was at the dinner table when I resisted eating something my mother prepared, or when I failed to eat everything on my plate. Invariably I heard that I should be grateful for my food as there were so many children starving in India (or Africa, or somewhere). It was gratitude served up with a healthy dose of guilt. I call it comparative gratitude: I had more, someone had less. Or we’d see someone begging on the side of the road and my Mom might mumble, “There but for the grace of God go I.” That was gratitude for suffering less than someone else.
I learned to become aware of and appreciate what I had, the things I thought made me happy: a roof over my head, food on the table, money in the bank, a well-paid job. Over time my awareness increased to include the people in my life who made me feel good, and the beauty of nature. I learned to stop in the moment and to actively give thanks.
It was easy to give thanks for what I perceived as good; for what society dictated was good. My challenge and opportunity for growth came when I practiced in earnest the work of Byron Katie. She invited me to be grateful for the difficult people and circumstances in my life. Somehow I missed this same concept studying A Course In Miracles. No longer able to ignore or resist what I was called to do, I learned the only way I would see the gift these difficulties presented was to turn within and ask for help.
My willingness to open my heart to something new–and to practice despite my reservations–taught me that everything is a gift: the good and “bad,” the big and small, the exceptional and the mundane. The willingness to understand through experience led to appreciation, which has led to love for all I encounter on my journey. And somewhere along the way gratitude became inextricably linked to love. It’s no longer tied to an instance or an episode or a specific thing or person. It is an attitude and way of being in the world. I am grateful for what I can give and for what I receive. Love is the way I walk in gratitude.
As A Course in Miracles so eloquently states, “Gratitude goes hand in hand with love, and where one is the other must be found. For gratitude is but an aspect of the Love which is the Source of all creation.”
May your heart be filled with love and gratitude this holiday season… and every day.
Sabrina Tanner says
Really enjoyed this message. I am truly thankful we met and you are a true friend to me! Thank you for all you have helped me through and your patience and kindness along the way! Love to you my dear friend!
Marguerite LaDue says
Thank you Sabrina! It is so easy to be your friend – you are so lovable and loving and I’m grateful you came into my life. Makes the journey that much more enriching. Your courage and willingness inspire me. I love you girlfriend. xoxoxo
cristinfelso says
Thank you Marguerite. A wonderful definition of gratitude that we can draw upon as we head into Thanksgiving.
Marguerite LaDue says
You are so welcome my dear Cristin! You know how much I enjoy making the connections :-)) Love to you today and every day! xoxoxo
Juliette says
Quite wonderful. Thank you. Juliette Andrews
Marguerite LaDue says
Juliette I’m delighted you are enjoying my blogs! Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
Jay says
Simply profound, Marquerite, simply profound.
Marguerite LaDue says
Well Jay once in awhile a blind squirrel finds a nut – HA!! As I go deeper in my practice many things are becoming clearer and I am challenging myself to see if I can write about my insights in a clear and simple way. So glad this resonated with you! xoxoxo
Peggy Griffith says
Hello Marguerite, The way you weaved professional definitions, into
your own thoughts of gratitude, with the Course, was a delightful read. I too have
been to Bryon Katie’s Work, just a few years ago. It was this workshop that landed
me in a year long dissociation with myself. Even during the workshop, and after,
I thought to myself, “I do not get it. Surely there is more, and I’m just
not understanding”. How WRONG. I actually received so well, that it put me
to bed for one solid year, wherein I lost my identity. I was a mumbling, bumbling
blob. My children hired round the clock care givers ($65,000+dollars,out of my pocket.) During this year, is when the Course, fell into my consciousness “again”, and I began trying to read the Course,for the 1st time.( I had the purchased the Course, in ’75, but did not understand it, put it away…but kept it all these years (thru many moves, and bookshelves)).I was still, not able to understand the Course, but something told me, the Course was what I needed in my life. I mostly slept with the Course, and read some of the lessons. Upon getting well ( a miracle), Holy Spirit
suggested to study with like-minded folks, so I started ACIM Study in Oakmont. I am so grateful for the journey, the Course, and my brothers and sisters, who are my salvation. My heart sings with gratitude to God, and Jesus.
Thank you, for your blog. I enjoy your writings.
Marguerite LaDue says
Peggy thank you for your heartfelt and open comments. One of the toughest lessons I’ve had to learn is to go gentle on myself – to allow my awakening to go at the speed it requires – rather than my concept of how fast I should be getting/understanding everything. Appears you had everything you needed when you needed it! I love how Katie’s work is such a laser beam for practicing ACIM they go so well together. Seems as though the Universe wanted to get your attention and ensure you had the time to strip away prior beliefs so as to absorb and recognize new and empowering ones. Bravo to you for taking the lead on leading a discussion around ACIM – not only are you teaching what you want to learn you are stepping up your accountability to your chosen path- that is awesome! I look forward to getting together with you! xoxo
Dawn says
Ms. Marguerite,
I always enjoy your reflections. Just wanted to check in too-I am missing a dose of cheerfulness at BC. Even my grumpy Kara has commented. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, hope to see you soon.
PS. I appreciate the statement about being grateful for the difficult people or issues that we encounter. They provide opportunity for us to be stronger. I try to find a way to find some inspiration from them. It is not always easy!
Marguerite LaDue says
Hi Dawn. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize I hadn’t responded to you. Thank you for reading and enjoying the messages. I’ve learned that the difficult people and situations are our greatest teachers and opportunities for growth. No it’s not easy but it is so worth it! Know that you are not alone in this…reach within and ask for help and you will get it…I promise. A simple way to think about this – people are either extending love to you or calling for love. Our correct and most helpful response in either case is always love. See you at bootcamp! xoxo
Keith Liimatta says
Good Morning,
Very nice! It puts gratitude into perspective!
xxxooo
Keith
Matisun says
Sometimes when life is difficult it’s hard to understand that life is unfolding FOR us to wake us up to a greater and more beautiful reality, if only we’d be willing to let go of our resistance. I have found when I’m grateful I can see the gifts being given to me even if the ‘packaging’ doesn’t look all that wonderful. Thanks for these blogs sis- they’re inspiring – like you! Love you!
Marguerite LaDue says
Yes for sure when our heart is open with gratitude we are receptive to the gifts that are always there for us. It’s difficult to embrace the concept that something that looks “bad” is only bad because of the judgement, or interpretation, we’ve placed on it. It’s when we suspend all judgement and ask to see through the eyes of love, to see differently, that the interferences to love are removed and our vision returned. It’s a game of hide and seek! xoxoxo