You’re in charge of only one person and that person is YOU. Think about it. Who can you experience and influence directly? Who can you know most intimately and with certainty? What is the one thing you have complete control over?

How can you influence and positively impact others if not fully in command of yourself? What project or cause can be more important than consciously and deliberately directing the course of one’s life?

I would often tell my son, when he was growing up, that true leadership has nothing to do with other people. It’s about taking responsibility for one’s thinking and the actions and consequences of that thinking. A good leader is actually a good follower: asking and listening to the whispers of one’s heart, the authority within, that still, small voice, and aligning one’s thinking and actions accordingly.

For most of my 30-year business career I held positions of leadership. I was frequently asked to drive transformation initiatives or develop new business areas. My ability to lead others effectively through change and the unknown was greatly influenced by the level of command I exercised over myself. As I consciously built a strong personal foundation, my confidence grew and the certainty I was experiencing within myself was naturally extended and reflected in how I conducted myself professionally. Interestingly–and only upon reflection–I realized that the leadership skills I was developing in the workplace weren’t very different from what I found necessary for leading my life.

Here are just a few examples:

1) Clarity of vision

We are often told in business to start with the end in mind and to clearly articulate the goals and objectives we want others to achieve. After all, we can’t hit a target we can’t see. Another way of saying the same thing is “without a vision the people perish.” I realized early that I wanted to direct my life; to direct it effectively I needed to understand what was important to me. I thought about what I wanted to be remembered for and what constituted success in my mind. I heard too many stories of people on their deathbeds regretting their lives, the opportunities they didn’t take, the strained relationships. Their lives just seemed to happen and they never really lived. Letting business results go where they will is unheard of, so why live our lives that way? What do you envision for your life? How do you define success? My motto used to be “no regrets” but I’ve upped the ante and will not settle for anything less than “amazing”, which I define as an abundance of love in my life, joy in my heart, and peace in my mind.

2) Inspiration

Really good leaders know how to “pull” us towards a common vision. They help us imagine the possibilities by painting a compelling picture of what can be, and more importantly they help us to believe we can achieve the vision. In some cases they identify roadblocks, what must change. In others they help us see the gap between where we are and where we want to be, and identify how to close that gap. Inspiration for our personal lives comes from having a compelling vision and belief that we can realize it. Learning about others who have achieved what we aspire to boosts our motivation and makes our vision tangible. We learn of the gaps and roadblocks they overcame, and that helps provide direction and specific, identifiable actions for ourselves. When our vision is set on something that pulls us, and that we are passionate about, our lives take on meaning and purpose which in turn fuels our desire and inspires us to persevere over the long term.

3) A sense of confidence

I enjoyed working for people who exuded confidence in what they were doing. They created an atmosphere for the team that made us believe we couldn’t fail. This confidence frequently came from skills, knowledge, experience, past success, supportive mentors, strong advisors, a plan of action, and belief in the task at hand. To effectively lead your personal life you’ll need confidence in yourself and what you stand for. Taking the time to know you is the fundamental source of your personal power. This can only come by exploring and understanding your values, and by examining your beliefs for their ability to support those values and modifying or discarding what doesn’t. Actions are internally driven, and not motivated by externally imposed measures of success. Integrity results from your alignment of thinking and doing, and our experience provides the confidence to continue in this way.

4) Willingness to take risks and be accountable for results

In business, calculated risks are taken after weighing the facts and determining the odds of success. Accountability results from clearly defined roles and responsibilities. With personal leadership, you are more willing to trust your own thoughts and feelings and pursue avenues that others may view as high risk. You’ve taken the time to develop a strong internal process and understand your capabilities. You hold yourself accountable and continually look for growth opportunities.

Self-certainty becomes an invisible magnet. You attract others to this energy. A positive example enables them to see the possibilities for their lives. Leading your own life and following your own inner guide naturally results in leading others.

Marguerite LaDue

October 9, 2016